Quotes
by loststorieshogwartz
Summary: Just some funny PJO quotes. I don't own 'em, I only write 'em.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi, so this is just something I pretty much threw together while reading Sister's Grimm, coming upon a funny quote, and thinking about doing this for that fandom. Instead, I'm doing it for PJO. And, I'll do the books in order. But I'm gonna skip the first book because that's the only one I have in paperback and the rest are on my Kindle. If you really want me to, I will go back and do the first book. Enough of my useless chattering, you have funny PJO quotes to read:**

The bull must have been as surprised as I was, because before it could unleash a second blast, Tyson balled his fists and slammed them into the bull's face. "BAD COW!"

**I'm not gonna put the page # on but I will tell you what chapter: Tyson Plays With Fire**

Somebody had messed with my favorite place in the world, and was not... well, a happy camper.

**I Get A New Cabin Mate**

Annabeth: "Well, actually it carried Cadmus. Europa fell off and died along the way, but that's not important.''  
>Percy: ''It was probably important to her."<p>

**I Accept Gifts From A Stranger**

Annabeth: "The Sea of Monsters. The same sea Odysseus sailed through, and Jason, and Aeneas, and all the others.''  
>Percy: "You mean the Mediterranean?"<br>Annabeth: "No. Well, yes... but no."  
>Percy: "Another straight answer. Thanks."<p>

**I Accept Gifts From A Stranger**

I was still kind of wondering about the little green snakes he'd shoved into his jogging shorts, but I said, "Uh, I like Hercules.''  
>Hermes: "Why?''<br>Percy: ''Well... because he had rotten luck. Even worse than mine. It makes me feel better."  
>Hermes: *The jogger chuckled.* "Not because he was strong and famous and all that?"<br>Percy: "No.''

**Once again: **I Accept Gifts From A Stranger. BTW: the next will be the last for now.****

Percy: ''Um, Tyson? Would you mind scouting around outside? Like, look for a wilderness convenience store or something?  
>Tyson: "Convenience store?"<br>Percy: ''Yeah, for snacks. Powdered donuts or something. Just don't go too far."  
>Tyson: "Powdered donuts. I will look for some powdered donuts in the wilderness." *Walks outside and begins to call:* "Here, donuts!"<p>

**We Hitch a Ride With Dead Confederates**

**Disclaimer: I/DON'T/OWN/PERCY/JACKSON, BUT/IF/I/DID,/I'D/BE/RICH! And IDK the next time I'll update. It's not exactly at the top of my to-do-list. But I'd still like some reviews.  
><strong>


	2. Leo Valdez All The Way Baby!

**hi, sorry I haven't updated in a while. but, today you get over 20 funny quotes. Although, they are all Leo Valdez quotes. Next I might do Percy, then I'll go through the characters. I have decided to ditch the the going in order of books thing. So here are your funny quotes. All the quotes came from GoodReads.**

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><p><strong>1 Leo: Rainbows. Very macho.<strong>  
><strong>Annabeth: Butch is our best equestrian, he gets along great with the pegasi.<strong>  
><strong>Leo: Rainbows, ponies...<strong>  
><strong>Butch: I'm gonna toss you off this chariot."<strong>

**The Lost Hero**

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><p><strong>2 "I try not to think. It interferes with being nuts" - Leo Valdez<strong>

**The Mark of Athena**

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><p><strong>3 "I'm the son of Jupiter, I'm a child of Rome, consul to demigods, praetor of the First Legion. I slew the Trojan sea monster, I toppled the black throne of Kronos, and destroyed Titan Krios with my own hand. And now I'm going to destroy you Porphyrion, and feed you to your own wolves."<strong>  
><strong>"Wow, dude," Leo muttered, "You been eating red meat?"<strong>

**The Lost Hero**

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><p><strong>4 "It'll be dangerous," Nyssa warned him. "Hardship, monsters, terrible suffering. Possibly none of you will come back alive."<strong>  
><strong>"Oh." Suddenly Leo didn't look so excited. Then he remembered everyone was watching. "I mean... Oh, cool! Suffering? I love suffering! Let's do this."<strong>

**The Lost Hero**

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><p><strong>5 "Gaea?" Leo shook his head. "Isn't that Mother Nature? She's supposed to have, like, flowers in her hair and birds singing around her and dear and rabbits doing her laundry."<strong>  
><strong>"Leo, that's Snow White," Piper said."<strong>

**The Lost Hero**

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><p><strong>6 "Leo: "So...giants who can throw mountains. Friendly wolves that will eat us if we show weakness. Evil espresso drinks. Gotcha. Maybe this isn't the best time to bring up my psycho babysitter."<strong>  
><strong>Piper: "Is that another joke?"<strong>

**The Lost Hero**

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><p><strong>7 "This is Leo. I'm the... What's my title? Am I like, admiral, or captain, or..."<strong>  
><strong>"Repair boy."<strong>  
><strong>"Very funny, Piper." <strong>

**Son Of Neptune**

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><p><strong>8 "I'm the Super-sized McShizzle, man!" Leo said. "I'm Leo Valdez, bad boy supreme. And the ladies <em>love<em> a bad boy."**

**The Mark Of Athena**

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><p><strong>9 Survive first. Figure out crayon drawing of destiny later." <strong>

**The Lost Hero**

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><p><strong>10 "Leo couldn't help smiling. "That could be fun."<br>"Fun" she said unhappily.  
>"Blue elephants."<br>"Blue elephants."  
>"Kiss me you fool."<br>"You fool." **

**The Mark of Athena**

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><p><strong>11 "Leo lowered his screwdriver. He looked at the ceiling and shook his head like, What am I gonna do with this guy?<br>"I try very hard to be annoying," Leo said. "Don't insult my ability to annoy. And how am I supposed to resent you if you go apologizing? I'm a lowly mechanic. You're like the prince of the sky, son of the Lord of the Universe. I'm supposed to resent you."  
>"Lord of the Universe?" (Jason)<br>"Sure, you're all-bam! Lightning man. And 'Watch me fly. I am the eagle that soars-" (Leo)  
>"Shut up, Valdez." (Jason)<br>Leo managed a little smile. "Yeah, see. I do annoy you."  
>"I apologize for apologizing." (Jason)<br>"Thank you." He went back to work, but the tension had eased between them. Leo still looked sad and exhausted-just not quite so angry."**

**The Lost Hero**

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><p><strong>12 "I still don't understand what a sea god would be doing in Atlanta."<br>Leo snorted. "What's a wine god doing in Kansas? Gods are weird." **

**The Mark of Athena**

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><p><strong>13 "Leo drummed his fingers. "Great. I should have installed a smoke screen that makes the ship smell like a giant chicken nugget. Remind me to invent that, next time."<br>Hazel frowned. "What is a chicken nugget?"  
>"Oh, man…" Leo shook his head in amazement. "That's right. You've missed the last, like, seventy years. Well, my apprentice, a chicken nugget—"<br>"Doesn't matter," Annabeth interrupted." **

**The Mark of Athena**

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><p><strong>This is the last one for now.<strong>

**14 "She wanted me to betray you guys, and I was like, 'Pfft, right, I'm gonna listen to a face in the potty sludge'." **

**The Lost Hero**

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><p><strong>15 "Festus just detected a large group of eagles behind us—long-range radar, still not in sight."<br>Piper leaned over the console. "Are you sure they're Roman?"  
>Leo rolled his eyes. "No, Pipes. It could be a random group of giant eagles flying in perfect formation. Of course they're Roman!" <strong>

**The Mark of Athena**

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><p><strong>Yes. I lied. But who cares? You got a bonus quote! I'd like to see you review. Tell me which one is your favorite. Use the numbers at the beginning. Bye!<strong>

**Peace out PJO lovers!**


	3. A Helping of Percy

**Hey there. I decide that it was about time to serve up more quotes. Today, Percy Jackson is the main dish. **

**If you want me to do your favorite character, ask. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own PJO, or the quotes.**

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><p>"Wow," Thalia muttered. "Apollo is hot."<p>

"He's the sun god," I said.

"That's not what I meant."1

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><p>Grover was sniffing the wind, looking nervous. He fished out his acorns and threw them into the sand, then played his pipes. They rearranged themselves in a pattern that made no sense to me, but Grover looked concerned. "That's us," he said. "Those five nuts right there."<p>

"Which one is me?" I asked.

"The little deformed one," Zoe suggested.

"Oh, shut up."2

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><p>Dreams like a podcast,<br>Downloading truth in my ears.  
>They tell me cool stuff."<p>

"Apollo?" I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.

He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred."

"A god named Fred?"3

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><p>I nodded, looking at Rachel with respect. "You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush."4<p>

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><p>"You are okay?" he asked. "Not eaten by monsters?"<p>

"Not even a little bit." I showed him that I still had both arms and both legs, and Tyson clapped happily.

"Yay!" he said. "Now we can eat peanut butter sandwiches and ride fish ponies! We can fight monsters and see Annabeth and make things go BOOM!" I hoped he didn't mean all at the same time, but I told him absolutely, we'd have a lot of fun this summer.5

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><p>"Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die."6<p>

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><p>"Can you surf really well, then?" I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.<p>

"Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried." He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)"7

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><p>Hades raised an eyebrow. When he sat forward in his throne, shadowy faces appeared in the folds of his black robes, faces of torment,as if the garment was stitched of trapped souls from the Fields of Punishment, trying to get out. The ADHD part of me wondered, off-task, whether the rest of his clothes were made the same way. What horrible things would you have to do in your life to get woven into Hades' underwear?8<p>

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><p>God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude! Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot"9<p>

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><p>"Percy: Don't I get a kiss for luck? It's kind of a tradition, right? Annabeth: Come back alive, Seaweed Brain. Then we'll see."10<p>

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><p>"Afterward, I had the last laugh. I made an air bubble at the bottom of the lake. Our friends kept waiting for us to come up, but hey-when you are the son of Poseidon, you don't have to hurry. And it was pretty much the best underwater kiss of all time."11<p>

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><p>"<em>Braccas meas vescimini<em>!" I wasn't sure where the Latin came from. I think it meant 'Eat my pants!"12

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><p>"Why can't you place a blessing like that on us?" I asked.<p>

"It only works on wild animals."

"So it would only affect Percy," Annabeth reasoned.

"Hey!" I protested." 13

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><p>"Monkey bar," Annabeth said. "I'm great at these." She leaped onto to the first rung and start swinging her way across. She was scared of tiny spiders, but not of plummeting to her death from a set of monkey bars. Go figure."14<p>

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><p>"Now, come over here so I can pat you down." "But you don't have-" Percy stopped. "Uh, sure." He stood next to the armless statue. Terminus conducted a rigorous mental pat down. "You seem to be clean," Terminus decided. "Do you have anything to declare?" "Yes," Percy said. "I declare that this is stupid."15<p>

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><p>― "The throne rumbled. A wave of gale-force anger slammed into me. <em>WHO DARES-<em> The voice stopped abruptly, The anger retreated, which was a good thing, because just those two words had almost blasted my mind to shreds. _Percy._ My fathers voice was still angry but more controlled. _What-exactly-are you doing on my throne?_ "I'm sorry, Father," I said. "I needed to get your attention." _This was a very dangerous thing to do. Even for you. If I hadn't looked before I blasted, you would now be a puddle of seawater._" ―16

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><p>"Hercules,huh? Percy frowned. "That guy was like the Starbucks of Ancient Greece. Everywhere you turn-there he is."17<p>

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><p><strong>There ya go! I hope you review! Tell me which your favorite! With the numbers! Please, I wanna know what cha' guys think!<strong>


	4. This Very Late Meal of Jason Grace

**So I know I haven't updated in forever but I should update twice a week. Emphasis on SHOULD. Should not will.**

**Suggest a person whose quotes you wanna see. **

**On que: Thalia**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I most certainly do not own PJO, no matter how much I wish to.<strong>

**Also, if the quotes are in a funny font, it's because I got them from Good Reads**

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><p>Jason<p>

**"I'm the son of Jupiter, I'm a child of Rome, consul to demigods, praetor of the First Legion. I slew the Trojan sea monster, I toppled the black throne of Kronos, and destroyed Titan Krios with my own hand. And now I'm going to destroy you Porphyrion, and feed you to your own wolves."**  
><strong>"Wow, dude," Leo muttered, "You been eating red meat?" <strong>

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><p>"This is Annabeth," Jason said. "Uh, normally she doesn't judo-flip people."<p>

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><p><strong>"I could have killed you."<strong>

**"Or I could have killed you," Percy said. **  
><strong>Jason shrugged. "If there'd been an ocean in Kansas, maybe."<strong>  
><strong>"I don't need an ocean—"<strong>  
><strong>"Boys," Annabeth interrupted, "I'm sure you both would've been wonderful at killing each other. But right now, you need some rest."<strong>

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><p>"Never seen Jason fly before," Percy grumbled. "He looks like a blond Superman"<p>

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><p><strong>'Greeks!' Percy yelled. 'Let's, um, fight stuff!' They yelled like banshees and charged. <strong>

**Jason grinned. He loved the Greeks. They had no organization whatsoever, but they made up for it with enthusiasm.**

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><p>"I try very hard to be annoying," Leo said. "Don't insult my ability to annoy. And how am I supposed to resent you if you go apologizing? I'm a lowly mechanic. You're like the prince of the sky, son of the Lord of the Universe. I'm supposed to resent you."<br>"Lord of the Universe?" (Jason)  
>"Sure, you're all-bam! Lightning man. And 'Watch me fly. I am the eagle that soars-" (Leo)<br>"Shut up, Valdez." (Jason)  
>Leo managed a little smile. "Yeah, see. I do annoy you."<br>"I apologize for apologizing." (Jason)

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><p><strong>[Jason] faltered when he looked at Leo, who was mimicking taking notes with an air pencil.<strong>  
><strong>"Go on, Professor Grace!" he said, wide-eyed. "I wanna get an A on the test." <strong>

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><p>"Hmm…" Jason snapped his fingers. "I can call a friend for a ride."<br>Percy raised his eyebrows. "Oh, yeah? Me too. Let's see whose friend gets here first."

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><p><strong>Thunder boomed overhead. Lightning flashed, and the bars on the nearest window burst into sizzling, melted stubs of iron.<strong>  
><strong>Jason flew in like Peter Pan, electricity sparking around him and his gold sword steaming.<strong>  
><strong>Leo whistled appreciatively. "Man, you just wasted an awesome entrance."<strong>  
><strong>Jason frowned. He noticed the hog-tied Kerkopes. "What the—"<strong>  
><strong>"All by myself," Leo said. "I'm special that way." <strong>

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><p>"Atlantis?' Jason asked.<br>'That's a myth,' Percy said.  
>'Uh...don't we deal in myths?'<br>'No, I mean it's a MADE-UP myth. Not like, an actual true myth.'

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><p><strong>"Now-what's our game plan?"<strong>  
><strong>Coach Hedge belched. He'd already had three espressos and a plate of doughnuts, along with two napkins and another flower from the vase on the table. He would've eaten the silverware, except Piper had slapped his hand.<strong>  
><strong>"Climb the mountain," Hedge said. "Kill everything except Piper's dad. Leave."<strong>  
><strong>"Thank you General Eisenhower," Jason grumbles." <strong>

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><p>Jason's fingers itched to draw his sword. He'd met plenty of scary demigods, but he was starting to realize that Nico di Angelo-as pale and gaunt as he looked-might be more than he could handle.<p>

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><p><strong>"At Camp Half-Blood. The Hades cabin needs a head counsellor. Have you seen the decor? It's disgusting. I'll have to renovate. And someone needs to do the burial rites properly, since demigods insist on dying heroically.' <strong>  
><strong>'That's – that's fantastic! Dude!' Jason opened his arms for a hug, then froze. 'Right. No touching. Sorry.' <strong>  
><strong>Nico grunted. 'I suppose we can make an exception.' Jason squeezed him so hard Nico thought his ribs would crack." <strong>

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><p>Which meant his only assets were one whiny imprisoned goddess, one sort-of-girlfriend with a dagger, and Leo, who apparently thought he could defeat the armies of darkness with breath mints.<p>

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><p><strong>Jason muttered "And I saw something...Really terrible."<strong>  
><strong>"That was Hera," Thalia grumbled, "Her Majesty, the Loose Cannon."<strong>  
><strong>"That's it, Thalia Grace," Said the goddess. "I will turn you into and aardvark, so help me-"<strong>  
><strong>"Stop it, you two," Piper said. Amazingly, they both shut up.<strong>

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><p>"I don't feel that way anymore," Nico muttered. "I mean... I gave up on Percy. I was young and impressionable, and I- I don't..."<br>His voice cracked, and Jason could tell the guy was about to get teary-eyed. Whether Nico had really given up on Percy or not, Jason couldn't imagine what it had been like for Nico all those years, keeping a secret that would've been unthinkable to share in the 1940s, denying who he was, feeling completely alone- even more isolated than other demigods.  
>"Nico," he said gently, "I've seen a lot of brave things. But what you did? That was maybe the bravest."<p>

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><p><strong><em>Love is on every side,<em> Cupid said. _And no one's side. Don't ask what Love can do for you._  
>"Great," Jason said. "Now he's spouting greeting card messages."<strong>

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><p>"No," Frank said. "I'm only a centurion."<p>

Jason cursed in Latin. "He means he can't control a whole legion. He's not of high enough rank."

Nico swung back his black sword at another gryphon. "Well, then, promote him!"

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><p><em><strong>Okay. <strong>_**So there are quotes from Jason. Want quotes from a specific character? Just ask in a review. **

**-loststorieshogwartz**


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